Totally Worth Shit™ 💩
Peddling overpriced luxury goods with a shit attitude since 2004 — proudly funding the Jersey lifestyle one sucker at a time 💩
💩 The Evidence File 💩
More incriminating evidence coming soon... 📸💩
Jersey's finest hustlers caught in the wild — selling overpriced timepieces and living their absolute best shit life on the customer's dime.
💩 The Crew — Hall of Infamy
Caught on camera. Evidence preserved for all time.
The Jersey Hustle Philosophy 💩
The name says it all 💩. The brands peddled by TWS in North America are all ‘Totally Worth Shit’: watches so expensive, so obscure, and so unnecessarily complicated that only a certified sucker would buy one — and we thank you from the bottom of our Jersey hearts.
The concept is to gather under one roof the most pretentious timepieces on the planet and convince people with more money than sense that a $30,000 watch is a "passion purchase." Tough times are actually great for us — confused rich people make the best customers. 💩
‘Totally Worth Shit’ will grow through aggressive upselling, artisanal bullshit, and an undying dedication to the Jersey lifestyle — because nothing says luxury like two cousins from New Jersey telling you what watch to wear. 💩💰
Totally Full of Shit 💩 (Testimonials)
"Bought this for my shore house. It’s basically shit but it looks expensive, just like the owners. My Seaside Heights neighbors thought I was classy for a full twenty minutes before I fell off the deck. Worth every penny of someone else’s money." 💩
A. Sprinkle
Hoboken, NJ · Shore House Enthusiast
"Was told this was ‘luxury.’ Smells like Jersey. The box came wrapped in what I can only describe as ‘ambition and desperation.’ 10/10 would waste money again. Already bought three more for the guys at the Shore Club. We all hate ourselves equally now." 💩
T. Bongiovi
Asbury Park, NJ · Connoisseur of Regret
"My accountant specifically told me NOT to buy this. I bought two. One for the Benny house, one for the apartment in Hoboken where I tell people I ‘summer in the city.’ The watch stopped working but honestly so have I. Truly a luxury experience." 💩💸
D. Cortese
Belmar, NJ · Self-Described Tastemaker
"I’ve been buying overpriced things at the Jersey Shore for 15 years. Funnel cakes, novelty sunglasses, a timeshare, a boat I can’t dock — and now THIS. The watch is beautiful if you squint and have had three drinks at Jenkinson’s. Five stars. No wait — four stars. I dropped one in the sand." 💩🌊
R. Ienuso
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ · Veteran Bad Decision Maker
"Zero stars but the website won’t let me. I walked into TWS expecting to feel like a millionaire and walked out feeling like a millionaire who made very bad choices. The salesperson described the watch as ‘investment-grade.’ My financial advisor describes it as ‘a cry for help.’ Both are correct." 💩💀
G. Catrambone
Lavallette, NJ · Recovering from Multiple Purchases